Dance

As things on the job become more engaging, I’m more energized and driven to pour more of myself into my work. As a result, I have the urge to break out of my shell and be more openly myself, not only at the office, but at home as well.

I often hold myself back in an attempt to blend in with my surroundings. I don’t want to live out loud too much and call any attention to myself. However, the results of my recent increased engagement at work reinforce my hunch that living in such a reserved way is probably all wrong.

I worry too much about what everyone will think if I live more openly. Suppressing parts of myself to appease others and fit a certain mold is a disservice to me and to them. It’s particularly hurtful to my closest loved ones from whom I’m concealing the full me. It’s also hurtful to those who might see themselves in me and benefit from me living a completely open and transparent life. I’ll have to see if I can do a better job at that. 😊

Dance

Inspired by the battle to dance like nobody’s watching and the fight with myself to be me

I walk along a razor’s edge
To balance and avoid a fall.
Can I live fully as myself?
Or will that risk losing them all?

I’ve gradually unveiled myself
To loved ones whom I hold most dear.
I came out time and time again
To let them know that I am queer.

But I live quite a reserved life.
I make no waves to rock the boat.
I am vanilla through and through,
And that keeps everything afloat.

I’m censoring parts of myself,
To smooth things out and get along.
The older that I get, it feels
That my approach has been all wrong.

I’d like to live out loud for once,
With no regrets for who I am.
I have no practice at that yet,
And I’m not quite sure that I can.

For those who’ve known me all my life,
Would they notice the way I change?
Would parts I’ve censored until now,
Once they’re revealed, appear too strange?

My heart and soul remain the same.
I’m still the man I’ve always been.
But in me, stirs this new command
To live the truth beneath my skin.

So I will do the best I can
To find the strength and take a chance.
I’ll follow where my heart leads now,
Accepting its invite to dance.